BREAKING NEWS: Panic as white people spotted in central Harare

There is panic and pandemonium in Harare after various horror-stricken witnesses reported seeing white people in the CBD.

One terrified witness, speaking from the safety of his 4th floor office and looking down into the chaotic streets below, said he didn't know what was happening down there: “I don’t know what’s happening down there,” he said.

Police have rushed in to investigate, and Commissioner Chihuri has addressed a press conference: “Black people of Harare,” he said, reading from a prepared speech. “This is a difficult week for all of y’all, but calm the fuck down. Be strong. Hold on. Hifa will only last a week.”

Witnesses reported white people even on First Street, can you fucking believe it? Asked to give details, one witness said: “There are whites even on First Street. Can you fucking believe it?”

A crowd gathered around a witness who was telling them he had, in fact, actually talked to a white person in the CBD. Giving details, he very proudly said: “Futi futi in fact, me I actually talked to a white person in the CBD.” And people said “heyii, hesss mhaaan”.  

Several black people spotted at Hifa