The Triumphal Entry - the Benz Edition

Emmanuel 263: Verse 1-12

NBJ (The New Bling Version)

1. As they approached Jerusalem Harare and came upon the Mount of Olives Harare Kopje, The Prophet sent two disciples henchmen in shiny suits. He sayeth unto them, "Go forth unto the village ahead of you Zimoco Car Dealership, and you will find a donkey 2015 Mercedes S65 AMG, specifically the one with the 12-cylinder, twin turbocharged AMG 6.0-liter engine. Untie the donkey the Benz and bring it to me. If anyone says anything to you, tell him that the Lord Papa needs it.

2. This took place to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet a fellow prophet: "Say to the Daughters of Zion H-Town, 'See, your king Papa comes to you, gentle and riding on a donkey in a 2015 Mercedes S65 AMG, specifically the one with the 12-cylinder, twin turbocharged AMG 6.0-liter engine.' "The disciples went and did as Jesus Papa had instructed them.

3. After the exchange of many shillings and shekels and stuff, reportedly 300 000 of them, the disciples broughteth the donkey the 12-cylinder, twin turbocharged AMG Benz, and Jesus Papa sat in it. And it was nice. Especially the hot stone massage seats and hand-made leather interior. Very nice.

4. And so a very large crowd spread their cloaks shiny Chinese jackets on the road (most probably Rotten Row), as Jesus Papa rode upon the donkey 12-cylinder, twin turbocharged 6.0-liter AMG Benz into the city. The hot sun beateth hard upon the sweating followers on the roads. But how was Papa to know, when this AMG Benz came with pretty top-spec climate control and a well-stocked fridge and stuff?

5. The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted, "Hosanna to the Son of David Papa!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord dressed in skinny jeans, floral Italian shirts and pointy Gucci shoes!"

6. When Jesus Papa entered Harare, the whole city was stirred and asked, "Who this nigga be?"

7. The crowds of Vana Vemuporofita answered, "This be Jesus our Papa, the prophet from Nazareth in Galilee Hurungwe, originally, but now from Borrowdale Brooke."

8. Jesus Papa entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. So that he alone could be buying and selling there.

9. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. He then put up his own tables of money changing and the benches for selling CDs and DVDs and car stickers and wristbands and badges and badly written pamphlets and stuff.

10. It was written, Papa said to them, ‘My house will be called a house of prayer’. But, he added, y’all know a lot of nonsense was written.

11. And when the Pharisees newspapers and critics saw all this, they were jealous and stuff.

12. And so he left them and went out of the city to Bethany the 5-star Meikles Hotel, where he spent the night.