Friday, April 24, 2015

Revealed: Plot behind Leader's endless trips

The Presidential Stability Team in action.

It has now been revealed that the endless trips our leader is being forced to take are part of a dirty plot by the Mujuru cabal to keep him out of the country as much as possible.

Since being booted out by Dr Amai, the cabal has counterattacked by secretly arranging a number of endless and pointless trips for Dear Leader, thereby denying the people a chance to have an actual leader.

“It is a conspiracy to deny the country of leadership. It is clearly working,” said a senior minister, who had just accompanied The Head of State and Global Hair Dye Ambassador on a trip somewhere in the middle east, from which the minister had been paid enough allowances to allocate equally to his two wives and three small houses, including Bibiana, the troublesome one who is always demanding skin lightening creams and Brazilian hair.

"We suspect that the dirty Mujuru cabal were behind our leader's ascension to the SADC and AU leadership. They knew it would keep him away from the country."

A member of the Mujuru faction was asked to confirm whether there was a plot to keep the leader away from the country. In a reply that analysts said could be seen as confirming that there was plot to keep the leader away from the country, the man said: “I confirm that there is a plot to keep the leader away from the country.”

A member of the People From All Walks of Life castigated the endless trips, saying they were clearly part of a plot to keep the leader away from the country. “We castigate these endless trips, as they are clearly part of a plot to keep our leader away from the country,” she said when interviewed on the streets, but close to the Zanu offices on Fourth Street, which is where most ZBC interviews with People From All Walks of Life are held.

The Leader has now been to so many countries in such a short space of time that, at times, he gets confused and forgets whether he is coming or going, or even where the fuck he is. He has now hired a Chief Presidential Reminder (CPR), whose job it is to remind him where the fuck he is now.

At one time, after landing, The Leader complained loudly, ‘why are there no Zanu supporters from Epworth and Mbare to welcome me here? Why have they not thronged the airport? Where are my people?’ At which point the Chief Presidential Reminder quietly whispered; ‘My Leader, we are actually at Congo airport’.

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