Whole country celebrates unbroken hymen

After months of bad news, the nation finally got some much-needed good news when it was announced that the First Daughter was still a virgin.

"The First Hymen remains unbroken!" the First Madam announced. 

News of the purity of the First Virgin has been received with much celebration across the country. People from All Walks of Life ran around the streets, singing and shouting for joy, cars hooted and there were fireworks. A public holiday was declared.

News that the First Membrane remained unbroken restored confidence in the economy. There was enough electricity. Water came out of taps. People got jobs. Even sanctions were removed.

A member of the People from All Walks of Life said: "We are excited to hear that the First Hymen remains intact. The status of that membrane is the single most important issue to citizens of this country. We are all very happy now."

In a show of patriotism, many faithful supporters declared they too would emulate the First Family's example.

Said a member of the Women's League: "Even me also, I have now decided to remain a virgin, to set an example to my children."