Just when Zanu officials were beginning to get confused about whether their party had suddenly changed one of its main policies, Cde Chombo has held a press conference to clarify issues.
"Let there be no doubt. There has been no change to our principles. Contrary to recent indications, robbing the people remains official party policy," he announced. "We're a party that is not easily shifted from its principles by a few malcontents."
Over the past few weeks, unscrupulous state media journalists and a few obviously misguided elements in government have spoken out against big, fat, greedy chefs, from parastatals to city councils. All this unusual noise was beginning to confuse big, fat greedy Zanu chefs, who are used to being encouraged to steal.
Thankfully, Cde Chombo has ended all such fears. After the Harare mayor fired the town clerk for refusing to tell residents how much he was paying himself, Cde Chombo reversed the move and scolded the mayor for demanding "transparency", a silly term obviously created by imperialists to spy on our chefs, who must obviously be allowed to loot to cushion themselves from the effects of sanctions, and to eat all the fruits of Independence on behalf of the people.
"Phew," sighed one big, fat, greedy chef, wiping sweat from his big bald head with a silk handkerchief that he bought in Dubai. Or was it Kuala Lumpur? Maybe Hong Kong. Possibly Macy's in New York. Zurich maybe? He can't remember.
Visibly relieved, the chef said: "We were beginning to wonder whether stealing from the people had suddenly become a crime in this country."
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