VP endorses corruption, wins succession battle

Mai Mujuru has easily wrapped up the succession battle after she declared her support for corruption.
She is currently acting president, standing in for the Great Leader, who is away and has become only a frequent visitor to the country.
In a strategically strategic strategy, Mai Mujuru was quoted complaining about newspapers writing too much about corruption and stuff, as if stealing from the people has suddenly become a crime or something.
What a masterstroke! After her remarks, hundreds of excited big fat chefs have now jumped ship from the other faction of big fat chefs to her own faction of big fat chefs.
“We used to doubt her, but now she has removed all doubts,” said one big, fat chef. “We want a leader that sticks to party principles, such as corruption. Or, at least, making sure newspapers stay out of our business. It's hard to steal while people are looking.”
Already, detractors and losers are already spreading jealous, malicious reports. “No, it is not true," said a spokesman. "The VP did not sit on an iPhone and turn it into an iPad.”