I will stop when I'm President - PM promises

Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai has promised to stop all this nonsense once he becomes President.

Some critics say his recent behaviour is not fit for a President.

But addressing journalists, The PM responded cleverly: “I will stop this nonsense once I become President. So this question of whether or not this is good behaviour for a President is a silly question because I'm not yet President. As soon as I am President, I will stop.”

His promise to stop should put an end to all the bad talk in the undemocratic newspapers, which have been saying Mr Tsvangirai will not be a good President if he keeps sowing where he refuses to harvest.

This is also The Pry Minister's first public admission. Initially, The PM’s office had denied the reports. His spokesman, Luke Tamborinyoka, said this week: “My brother, if you believe that The PM knows Locadia, you will believe that he also knew about the election runoff clause in the constitution.”

Tamborinyoka had also said that anyone who believed the reports would believe that Mandela was 12 years old and that Jonathan Moyo was white.

Quizzed by a  silly journalist whether The PM's admission means, inversely, that Mandela was now indeed 12 and that Jono was white, Tamborinyoka looked down at his toes, scratched his bum, picked his nose, and said: "At the time I said it, it seemed a very clever thing to say." He now realised it was pretty fucking dumb.

No, this is not what a 'diplomatic charm offensive' looks like'..This is the PM
with the unidentified woman whom The Herald has come to identify as 
the 'Unidentified White Woman'

Some commentators have been saying Mr Tsvangirai needs to cage his dragon pronto because it will devour his political credibility. This is not true, it turns out.

Random impregnation of women outside wedlock may actually be the first sign that he is in fact qualified to be President.

“Now he looks very presidential,” said a political commentator who refused to be named for fear of victimisation and stuff (ah, fuck it, the commentator is John Makumbe).